Warning: real, kinda raw stuff ahead.
I am not a runner as my go-to but I do like to move my body and it is usually the way I process and let go of things.
Today I ran hard after/in the middle of a big letting go of old fears which have the added whammy of being not at all far-fetched, but which I can do nothing about, despite all the stories I carry around that I can. They are powerful stories many of us carry around as parents, children, friends and lovers. The need to protect from harm and death, to be enough: a good enough mother, daughter, sister, partner, businesswoman, helper; and others that have been drawn out this past year and come to a reckoning. It was a letting go mixed with both grief and relief in that letting go.
I felt like I had to run–run so hard and let all the feeling be felt, to wash through me and pass on. Often the best thing we can do to move on and grow past a feeling…is to fully embrace it and feel it, really feel it, not push it away and allow it to own us by coming up again and again after lying seemingly dormant.
I ran. I ran hard and sweated and cried and screamed and then showered in cold water, the next best thing to plunging in an icy cold lake or river. And I came to rest in a new place. Big things are happening, have been happening and something really big is coming. I have a feeling, that strong knowing, that next month when I go “home” to Ireland, it will be a catalyst as well as the hands that hold me. It’s where it all started.
If you allow yourself to dive into the uncomfortable feelings, the pain, the sadness, heartache, loss, let them wash through you instead of avoiding them or dismissing them, they’ll usually reveal something really important you’ve been ignoring and not willing to dig into or acknowledge or let go. When you feel these things in their whole, big uncomfortableness they lead you to be more present in everything. The highs or things you may have taken for granted or just not felt at all because you’d numbed so much, they now have many layers of richness and pleasure and you keep on discovering new layers. This is life people and if you shut out the “bad” and uncomfortable, you tone down everything. Open up to all this and you will have a Technicolor life.
I ran to Where the Streets Have No Name and New Year’s Day by U2.
What are your songs of catharsis, letting it all out?